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toiletIt's hard to believe that something as incongruious as the toilet could be one of the contributing factors of the end of the world, but 350 years after it's invention, the great, great grandson of Mr. John Crapper, many times removed revolutionized the idea of waste removal with his new invention.

In the year 2050 the population of the earth was a nice round 20 billion and needless to say, problems were beginning to make themselves known, the least of which was what to do with the garbage and waste produced by this horde. Land-fills were full, the oceans were finally showing the limits of their patience and were starting to turn brown. What was humanity to do? Well just in the nick of time Mr. Crapper shows up with his new patent. What it was was nothing short of genius, well actually it was very ingenious indeed. The present day Mr. Crapper was a biological engineer, and played around with astro-physics in his spare time, this is to say that he was a genius's genius. One afternoon while pursuing his hobby, he accidentally discovered a way to create a stable black hole, which could be opened for a fraction of time. This in itself was fantastic but he also managed to come up with a method to contain it within a reverse-timeflux forcefield so it only affected a desired area. Well luckily for humanity, Mr. Crapper immediately saw the benefits of his new device and promptly whipped up a revolutionary new toilet that transported waste to god only knew where, but as long as it wasn't Earth or nearby, then that was just dandy.

Thirty years went by and Mr. Crapper's invention was improved upon and refined until it was possible to produce them for as little as $59.99 each which in that day was very little indeed. Soon third-world nations were receiving shipments of these special toliets instead of food and medicine. It was an absolute break-through! Since water wasn't used anymore lakes and rivers became clear and fresh again. Soon pipelines were a thing of the past. Mr. Crapper's genius spawned a whole league of new items. Re-useable kleenex with mini black holes built in to the fabric, special showers that only sucked off sweat and dirt and left your skin clean and intact. Mr. Crapper was hailed as a hero and the saviour of mankind in the way his great grandfather many times removed could never have imagined! Disease, famine and war soon became bad memories, deserts flourished and rainforests prospered. After he died in 2093 statues and monuments were put up around the world in his honour.

Well time moved on as it usually does, and Earth entered what it thought was it's 'Golden age'. Since the Earth was now a proper and pleasant place to live, space exploration had been scrapped, however scientific study moved on, and over the years one of the biggest unsolved mysteries was where did all this waste go when it was 'flushed'? Various scientific instruments had been sent through but of course they were all crushed out of existence as soon as they were dropped in. A few of the dumber scientists tried putting mice and monkeys through but of course they never reported back either. Then in the year 2113, a young man by the name of Chris Bell happened to make a name for himself by discovering a new moon orbiting Uranus. Understand that by this time astronomy was a thing of the past and those few that still followed it were considered radicals and fools. Humans had lost the desire to travel to the stars after they realized that the world wouldn't perhaps be ending the next day. Well Earth wasn't much interested in Mr. Bell's discovery, at least not yet, and it didn't even get a write up in the least respected scientific paper. Had people reacted quicker they might have acted in time to do something but as it was, 117 years went by before Mr. Bell's great, great, granddaughter Elizabeth wrote a paper describing how this moon (named Brunus) seemed to be growing. This time, new problems on Earth provoked people to pay more attention. This new problem was that the Earth seemed to be growing smaller. You see, Mr Crapper never gave a thought (well nor did anybody else in his defence) to what the end result of more than 20 billion people using his product 2 or 3 times a day (sometimes more) would be. Resources and material on Earth had always been reused of course, but even if they were waste, they were still around to perhaps be used again in another million years or so. Well by the time that people realized that Brunus was none other than a giant ball of frozen garbage and shit with urine polar caps, it was too late to do anything about it. Space exploration had been long forgotten and besides, even in humanity's space exploration heyday, making a return trip to Uranus would have been out of the question. Even if they had managed to make it, there was no promise that Brunus could be returned to Earth the same way it went. In the end, the Earth's dwindling size was no match for it's ever increasing population and a sudden, massive plague and famine ensured that humanity pretty much exited stage left. Had they still been around they might have pondered the next mystery, why did it all go to the same place?



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