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Do As Tokyo Does Lucky Golden Sh*t
(Entered Feb. 13, 2009)
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A few of us in this world are just born unlucky. You've tried seemingly everything possible to reverse your bad fortune without success. What do you do? Give up and try to live with the fact that you're never going to win big at the slot machines? Perhaps not. While browsing through the internet I discovered another way; dark, secretive and unknown to most, to improve your odds. I warn you though, this method is not for the faint of heart, and should only be tried:
a) When all else has failed.
b) Out of sheer desperation.
Here's an advertisment that jumped out at me on a site selling all manner of cell phone straps, I 'sh*t' you not. Click on the picture for maximum impact.

lucky golden shit cell phone strap

So how did poo become lucky? And why is it gold? Are my own feces lucky as well? What the hell is wrong with Japanese people? And uh... how do I *ahem* get one of these?
One question at a time please.
-First of all, In Japanese 'sh*t' can be translated to 'unko' or 'unchi'. Moreover, the 'un' in unko is the same pronunciation as the word 'luck' in Japanese, so by definition, crap equals luck, and luck equals crap.
-No idea why it's gold, but most likely it sells better than a brown version would
-No, your own feces are not lucky. Only gold poo, ordered online and paid for properly will give you that lucky edge.
-Japanese people are obsessed with both protective charms, amulets, etc., as well they love any kind of play on words. Hence, lucky (un)ko
-You can get one by ordering online for a fairly unreasonable price, or you can just tell me how much, or why you need it, in the comment section below. Since I ordered two of them, I'll be mailing one lucky golden sh*t strap to the person who needs it the most. If there are lots of interesting comments (or none), I'll use some high end mathematical formula (most likely involving hats and numbers on paper) to choose a winner.

Need some motivation? Here's a shot of my mobile phone, looking mighty fine with it's lucky unko strap on. Nothing can stop me now.

lucky golden shit cell phone strap

One entry per person please, and yes, I'll know if you write more than once. However if you're enterprising enough to write different comments, with different names, from different IP addresses, then you most likely deserve to win. The contest will close on the Feb. 20th and a winner will be contacted. Good luck!



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